Today I'm cranky... Well, most of the times I wake up cranky... In that aspect I'm like anyone else, I guess...
I am very cranky about everything... I get pissed all the time. That day I was in the clinic and I needed to get a piss sample to make some analyses and... Guess what? I really needed to get pissed... I just couldn't get pissed... Then finally, after an huge effort, I manged to get my golden cup... I think they should have an helping environment that would help people to get piss samples. Let me explain this a little better:
Though, I've never been there I know that in those clinics were men go to donate their sperm, they have this little comfy rooms with porn (mags, video... I've heard some even have stripers... Dont' laugh... It's true!!! But I guess that's only in those clinics where you need to possess a gold mastercard to be accepted)... Well they have there everything they can manage to help men getting off... That's the only reason why men donate sperm... FREE PORN... Why does it takes you so long to get it? What's wrong with you, people? It's the poooooooorn!!! Men love porn! Forget about being helpful, forget about being nice... It's the porn! The PORN!!! Men want PORN!!!! Oh... And all the doctors are aware of that... I can tell you! They say to themselves: "They want porn? Let's give 'em porn... What's important here is to keep both of us satisfied!" Boom! Then, eventually everybody gets happy!
They should use the same policy when a person needs to get a piss sample... They should have this little rooms with a special toilet equipped with a dvd player and a tv set continuously showing images of riversides, water running, cascates... It would be a pleasent thing to get pissed... But, no sir. Instead of that, they just give us the average bathroom... Have you ever been inside of one of those? Of course you did... Cmon' EVERYBODY knows what I'm talking about... Some of those bathrooms are so tiny that a woman has to leave her purse outside in order to fit and be able to move a little inside of it... It's true, some of them are so tiny, so tiny, they should have a sign on the door displaying the following advice: "Sorry 'Mam, NO PURSES ALLOWED."
Nah... Bathrooms where ladies have to get in and collect their own piss samples? Those bathrooms should be large and have lots of space... Yes, I'm picturing them... Maybe with a small pound in the middle and little yellow ducks swimming around in it... How lovely... You could have some music too... Celtic pan pipes... Indian tribes' chants... Michael Bolton... Aqua... Maybe new-age music or psychadellic trance... Something that would help you get in touch with your innerself... After all, you have to take something that's IN... OUT, right?
Then suddenly, while I was taking notes of this in my little black notebook a lady rudely knocked on the bathroom's door and screeched something like:
"HEY MISS, YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR OVER THAN TWO AND A HALF HOURS... YOU HAD TIME ENOUGH TO PISS OUT THE MISSISSIPI... FUKKKKHRIST SAKE!!! DON'T YOU THINK IS ABOUT TIME YOU GET OUT OF THERE AND ALLOW SOMEONE ELSE TO GET IN?????"
Man! That sure as hell got me pissed!!!